Hiding my feelings

i hate the way i feel about you. its like i feel this shyness around you that i cant stand. i want to be outgoing snd stuff but im afraid youll think im changing to much. i honestly dont understand my own feelings and emotions. love is a odd feeling that is like a drug you know when its wromg but you keep trying and trying until it works out. but does it ever really work out..?

8mths

that's a longgggggg timee. i never imagine for it to last this long. I hope it last longer. I never took relationships seriously. Because boys never took me seriously. i guess i still had kooties. lol but seriously. this is the best one. and I hope i can make this work. because I think I'm falling.....

IN LOVE.!!

highschool sweetheart maybe???

School

Kinda confused..

I do wanna go backk..
Then again..
I don't..

But I can see him everyday.!
But that might be bad for my grades.!
I will get too focused on him. (Which I already am)
And I'll get to see my friends! (Connie and Rebecca)
But I'm a nerd, so I could never not get my work done, and stay organized...!
But going back to school can be good.
I'm a Sophmore now.
Haha. And I'm planning to stay on the honor every semester.
I almost did last year, but I missed the 3rd semester.
I still had a high GPA.
But aghhhH!
School kinda sucksss..
Goodbye sleep- in says
Good Morning NO sleep at all!
-_-

Gone

I feel like I'm fading..
Like day by day I grow older.
But I don't want too.
I want to stay like this.
This age. This height. This weight.
But It seems as if I'm 40. At 15.
I hate too think about the future.
It gives me bad visions, Me with children is a horrible thought at this age..
I feel weird thinking about it.
I don't really know.
If I think too much I might faunt.
Soo Yeah Im done

Listen

Can anybody hear me?
Naw their all ignoring.
What i say doesnt matter.
Im too young for an opinion.
They expect me to do good and be good.
But how? When I feel so ignored..

Ordinary girl (Miley Cyrus) Lol my version

I'm just a ordinary girl..
I have feelings..
thoughts,
moments,
crys,
I dont want to be ungrateful, I love who I am.
But sometimes
I'm lazy,
I get bored,
I get scared,
I feel ignored,
I feel happy,
I get silly,
I choke on my own words,
I make wishes,
I have dreams,
and I still want to believe Im just a ordinary girl..

Hear my heart

Sit still..
Listen closely.
Just breathe steadily.
As he listens to my heart.
Lol. Okay I'm serious I gotta stop posting stuff I do.

Lessons

I just got to learn to keep my secrets. Lol
Well not really secrets, like I do something, and it's like I cant hold it in for myself. I end up telling someone..
Which isn't good. I need to learn. Even though I was taught a thousands times, like I do something I dont want noone to know I did, and I can't keep it to myself, so I'll go tell a friend or my cousin. And then someone else founds out, then everybody does. I tried to stop that. But everytime I do that, they think I have a attitude or I'm acting funny/ strange. I dont know anymore. I dont know what to do. I want to keep to myself for now on. And posting how I feel on my blog really dont make it any better, Because if I dont tell someone I have to write it down. Even though I like to think alot and thinking is the only thing we have secret to ourselves. I guess it's because I think too much, and too many thoughts bottled up in my mind like that have to be released.. And Lol. I dont have enough space to comprehen other things, thats why I be so unfocused sometimes. And people feel I'm ignoring them. But I really need help.. I don't know what to do anymore...

A picture is worth a thousand words!

When I look at this picture of me and you.
I don't know what to say..
A bunch of words come into play.
Like, it was a great moment in time.
Is this some sort of crime?
How I feel so speechless.
Maybe, this picture suppose to be like this.
So I can understand..
Thats much better then the silly words i planned.
I never expected to be this thrown..
My mind feel gone...

Promise

Promises made, not meant to be broken..
I wonder if they ever will be.

I hope not.

Maybe wondering about that isnt such a good idea..
I dont want the promise to be broke.
That would be..
Different.

I never expected to feel this way "again".

Well I never really felt like this, if this isn't love.(Amor, no es amor)
then tell me what it is?

:-/
Lets see if we can keep that promise.

Never Let Go..

Take my hand
Lets befriend...

Each other.

Confide,
Give pride.
Keep our friendship alive.

Everybody needs a Friend,
Someone to depend on, when it's not a good day.
A person who can help make a way.
Someone to sit by in the middle of May.
And always stay.

Like they say. "People come and go."
But a real friend will never a be a foe.

True.

You know that saying "Bestfriends can became your worst enemy."?

Well it's true, if someone knows so much about you, that can be their weapon against you, and you will be the prey, and theres nothing you can do to stop that. Thats why you have to choose your friends very wisely.

I'm just saying, But I know that won't happen to me, because I'm always changing and nobody ever really knows me, Thats not good if they know too much. They can use it as your weakness. That's why you should keep your private life and secrets to yourself. Example: (What you do with your boyfriend.) Because you don't want your "Bestfriend" to become your worst enemy. =]

Stylin'

Look at us, all dressed in black.

This why we all just perfectly match.

People stare at the dark clothes we wear.

Black, is plain and simple. But you can always touch it up,

With pink. Actually any color would do. Lol. All you have to do is be you.

His Frightening Touch

It was all perfect.
I loved him.. I think.
I couldn't even blink.
I was blinded by love.
Knowing you where no good for me.
The way we used to be.
It scares me to remember those days.
And my curious ways.
Only thirtteen. Nearly a baby.
Your touch was cold..
The way you fooled me was bold.
I'll cry to you. and fall into you false lies.
Now I know better.
You gave me experience, if theres another interference.
Thank you.
Now I feel wise.
I learned from my cries..

Truthfully

It's the truth.
You don't need any proof.
I love you.
And that's true. ♥
Maybe I'm unsure.
But this feels so pure.
You didn't steal my heart.
I just gave you the another part.
One day you'll earn it all.
But that's if our love don't fall.

It's over

Holding on...

Maybe we're fading..
Or it was never real to begin with.
It always felt to good to be true...
Or maybe I wasn't good enough, I'm never no good.
Maybe I wasn't ready, I'm never ready.
Sometimes I think what's the point of living if bad stuff just keeps happening..
I feel like it's happening purposely.
Crying over it, can't make it any better, crying only works for babies. And I'm far from a baby.
Maybe I'm just overreacting but how is that, when I never reacted in the first place?
I don't understand.. I'm conufused.. Mann it's whatever, but you gotta hold on. but i think you already let go.
Dude maybe I shouldn't let my feelings show.

A bestfriend

Wow. How many people can say they got a "Real" bestfriend.?
Well There are some out there. But why do there always gotta be a competion?
Why do they think they know every littke thing about you, because you been friends for a long time?
Well there is a answer, and you know it.
It's because you call them your bestfriend.
See, I dropped the bestfriend thing a couple months ago. Because it's not hard to explain, But i can't really trust my "Bestfriend" honestly.. I don't even think of her as my bestfriend. More like a cousin or something, and that makes it worse. See. This girl i used to hang out with at school. Me and her got into a huge arguement over my phone. (Petty right?) and I hated her, over a phone. she came over after I apologized for being a bitch on facebook and going crazy over a phone. =\ she randomly came over one morning, and told us how she missed us and she was sorry about the phone too. We became cool again. And my "bestfriend" found out somehow, idk how.. i forget. Anyways she called me like she was my girlfriend and said "I see you got a new bestfriend." And I was thinking (Jealously much.>!) And then I kept telling her what honestly happened like I was her girlfriend, lol and she was acting retarted. Soooo Thennn my point is today! my day was going fine and dany, perfect and happy, comfortable and chill. Until I get a call from my "bestfriend" she think I always copy her for some reason.. She said "So you like Marylin Monroe now?" and everyone knows I always liked Marylin Monroe since the 6th grade when I did a report in her in Mr. O's class. I was so confused. and she was like "You never liked Mayriln Monroe, you said she was a slut." I wanted to just LAUGH! even though i was overly irritated. My mom said she was a slut, but actually i read her biography, and her book (I got a A+ on the report thingy) lol anyways she had a affair with the president. and! everyone says he had her killed. SoooO! yeahh I know. I'm not a copier. but yeahhh i had to get my emotions out there
SIGNING OFF MRS. ESHA! =]

My Lullaby

I'm yearning for love..

This feel like my heart is burning. 

Is my cry loud enough? Or am I crying at all?
Can you hear? Or are  you covering your ears.

No one understands..

Always trying to lend me a hand..

I'm defeating the purpose..

When I take your help, I fall again.

It's like your holding up a wall.

"NO!" My heart screams.

But I ignore it, thinking it's just one of my silly dreams.

I can't find the answer.

"IS THIS ALL A LIE?"

It's making my heart slowly die...

I cant ignore it any longer.

I feel my heart getting stronger..

This is my deepest
Lullaby
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Te amo♥

Sunday, April 23, 2010 was sooo different..
He came by..
They didn't do anything while he was there...
lol she's to shy, he claims... and she admit!!

=]]]
Hugging, such a long timeee.. he started rocking her back and fourth, She dont think he wanted to let goo.
At least it wasnt still burning hot outside...

lol and she never kneww she had to stand on my tippy toes to kiss him properly!!!
lol he kept kissing her on her upper lip..

The last kiss was right. perfect!♥
Lol and she told me
that she loves him..!! =]]]

Where I wanna be (The girl version)

He should of left me a message


Sayin' he won't be coming home

He'd rather be alone

I don't fully understand him
'That he'd rather leave than to cheat

If I give him some time

He can be the man I need

But there's a lot of lust inside of me

And we've been together since our teenage years

He really don't mean to hurt me, but he need some time

To be alone

But when you love someone


You just don't treat them bad

Oh, how I feel so sad

Now that he wanna leave

I'm crying my heart to him

How could he let this be?

He just need time to see

Where he wanna be

Where he wanna be...

=[

Ever since my uncle died.
I've been thinking about death alot.
Mann, this isn't cool. Like once I stop thinking about it, I'll come back home, and walk pass his room and start thinking about it.
Like I really, really miss my uncle. And That's the worst part. It's hard to adapt to this new life without him here everyday.
I wished we could just rewind it all back, and you didn't get sick that night. Get rushed out to the V.A hospital.
Mann. Every night I try to keep from crying. I was so mean to him. We argued all the time. But it was because we were so much alike.
I was his favorite niece I know for a fact. He used to always call me his "Road Dog." and I miss that.
When I was small. He'll take me everywhere with him.
To his girlfriend's house, she'll give me toys.
He'll walk me to school.
Take me to Kitts.
He even taught me how to ride a bike when I was only two.
He was more like more like my dad.
And I miss him, My uncle "Poppa."
And it's so hard to say goodbye,,
But I'm not saying goodbye because I know he's still with me in my memories...

Happiee Mommie's dayy! XD

Happiee Mommies dayy, mommie!! lol
Every year I buy you a card. and a CD or something.
But this year I didn't have any money. Or no transporation to the store.
Lol so I made you breakfast (That you didnt even eat) Lol.
We should take some pics together on this beloved day that is for you. But everyday is for you.
You slave over the stove..
You kiss my owies.
You tuck me in at night.
And you give me a kiss on the cheek before I sleep, and before I go to school.
Thankyou for taking me in.
And being my mommy!
I will always love you! =D

I Wish♥

I wish..

I wish he can hold me..
and don't let go (until I tell him too)

I wish he could kiss me..
until I tell him to stop..

I wish I could say "Te quiero" (I love you) and really mean it.

I wish allot of stuff. Maybe I want/expect to much..
Or maybe this is a rush.
I wish I didn't make it such a fuss.

Miss you♥

Everytime I kiss you.
I start to miss you..

I wonder why?
Cause as everyday go by,
I have the same thought.
It's the feeling that I caught.

Idek.. But I justtt... uhmmmm..

idkkk >_>

Like you do♥

Nobody likes me enough to listen.
To my complaining, My wining, my problems.
Like you do.
It's sorta interesting, I wonder if you get tired of me.
But you don't show it. Or do you?


This is why I like you. Your like the bestfriend I never had.
Well, best guy friend.
But you actually listen, though you might not understand what I mean sometimes.

I like you because your there for me when I need you. But not all the time.

I can talk to you without getting annoyed from you like others do.

I like you because you respect me. Sometimes more than I respect myself.

I like you, because you like me.

And I will know, nobody knows me,

Like you do..

Growing Pains♥

Everything I do is wrong.
Make a friend.. (WRONG)
Make the honor roll (NOT GOOD ENOUGH)
Talk to a guy (TOTALLY WRONG)
Not talk at all (BIG MISTAKE BUDDY)
Be myself (UUHH NOOO WAY!)
Omgg.. Idekk anymore. Everyone always judging me, for what I do, okayy it's not easy maintaining a 3.0 or higher. High school is very stressing guys.. I came into high school thinking this is gonna be easy, maybe I had my eyes glued on my favorite show Degrassi to much. Probably expecting it to be like that. Now since I'm interested in boys. Well this one guy, it's wrong. ohkay i understand I'm too young to date or whatever. BLAH! blaahhh. BLLLLAAAH! goshhh. What? would you rather me to date girls, you know you want me to be around them and befriend them..? But when I suggest such a idea, you think I'm insane. Well SORRY! for being a teenager. At least I'm still a virgin. And i'm not planning to lose it anytime soon. gosh theres so much pressure. I dont understand.

Well, hey you made me this way.

Mending My Broken Heart

Why do it feel like my heart is bending
Instead of mending.

Maybe we don't have enough glue.
We need another clue.

The bandages are tightly stuck.
Or is this bad luck?

Wait.. I think this is great,,

It's kinda fixed.
Like those pile of bricks.


Yes this is my heart, Let's finish finding all the parts..

Amor♥

Is this an illusion?

Or am I falling into deep confusion?

I don't know how i feel.

But I wish my heart would heal.

It's sore. Because it was so open like a pore.

Good you cant hurt me anymore.

Maybe I need a pill. Or learn a new skill. Because this isnt good, or is it.

I think I'm in love, and I'm on this as tight as a winter glove.

First Kiss♥

This sky was misty marble night blue, the moon was cresent, almost a full moon. The stars sparkled, i leaned against the fence staring uncomfortably in his eyes. He stared oddly back. I rested my right hand on his shoulder. I leaned up and pressed my lips against his. It was like every thing was in slow motion. like it was just me and him and all our surroundings melted away. like it nothing didnt matter anymore. This was my first kiss.

Tearless

It's all on you.
I cried all my tears.
Til, my eyes got puffy..
and my nose got stuffy..

I kinda loved you dude.
But you didn't love me back.
How rude...

Now once I think about it.
 I hate you more.
The thought of you can be such a bore.
Because now I have someone new..
I hope he makes all my dreams come true.

Never knew~

I never knew I could like someone, so much....
I never felt like this.I dont even know how I feel..
It's hard to explain really. All I know is your perfect (TO ME)

I wonder....

If you feel the same.. Whatever that is...
♥♥♥
This is probably weird..
And It's not hard for me too tell you this.
Omg[oshhh]

Note to God

I love you.
I pray to you.
To let peace spread..
Help me understand..
Find my way threw this world..
I'm just a little girl in this big world..
Give me hope, strength, and faith..
Dear God...

A child

I feel like a child. I mean a little child.
I don't even know why..
I'm goofy, curious, and playful, like a child.
I still play with dolls sometimes. I even play dressup!! And sleep with a teddy bear/bunny!
I'm a child in the heart! A 15 year old 5 year old!
That's weird huh?

Unpretty

Am I ugly?
Go ahead and say yes. Because I know I am.
Sometimes, I feel somewhat pretty. But I put makeup on, to feel even more pretty.
My friends tell me I'm pretty, I think to make me feel better. My mom always tell me I'm pretty.. But I don't think so. My best friend Alissa says, "Do you think I would hang out with you if you were ugly?"
I hang out with not so pretty people. So that makes me feel even worse. I take alot of pictures to make me feel beautiful pr concided. I have this concided act, so people wont call me ugly.. to make me feel more ugly...Do you think I'm pretty...?

Trust me♥

Trust is something that is strong.
You love someone, you expect them to love you back.
You give your heart to someone, and you trust them not to break it. Well, It's hard for me to trust anyone.
And yes you did this to me wtfreak!!! dude.. I trusted you with all my heart. I freaking loved you! and this is the thanks I get. Maybe I am too young to know what love is. Or maybe your not mature enough.
But you can trust me, but I wouldn't count on it, because I don't even trust me.. =/

Giving up

"Giving up doesn't always mean your weak. Sometimes it means your strong enough to let go."

I read this quote back to back. Why come when I gave up I felt like the weakest person in the world.. Like I'm just not good at anything. I felt like a quitter. Everyone would judge me for my decison to give up. But then it was time for me to ignore.

Ignoring didn't do much good, made me a friendless loser, a quitter, a nobody. So now I had no friends.. Then one day I was on the web, just browsing. Then i typed in meaningful quotes on google.com. That quote up there caught my attention, I read it over and over.

And so now I understand that since I gave up and let the pass go. This is what is right, i thinkk! but now i know i made the right choice. Because giving up can be hard to do, you just have to be strong enough to do it.

Me

I act like I know everything, Like i have all the answers to every question. I could answer just about any question you ask me stating it in just your understanding. But deep down inside I know that I'm just as clueless as you..